Sunday, February 15, 2009
When you get hit, physically or emotionally, it hurts. The weapon can be words, fists, or body language - they all hurt when you receive them. And, they hurt even more when they are attached to thoughts that diminish and victimize you.
Most people don't want to admit it hurt, or get entirely wrapped up in how much it hurts so we inadvertently make the blow even harder by thinking there is something wrong with us - that we should have seen it coming and avoided it, that it shouldn't hurt so much, that we somehow brought it on or asked for it, that we are being wimpy because it did hurt, or wondering what was wrong with us that it happened at all. REALIZE THIS- Just because what someone said or did hurt doesn't diminish me, and just because I took on the hit didn't make me a victim...unless I decided it did.
Reminder: whether the person meant to hit me or not, I received their action as a hit. Regardless of their intent and whatever their reason was, I took an imprint of the action as a blow to my physical and emotional integrity, or as a threat to my sense of identity. Later, when I find out that maybe it was an accident, not intended to hurt, I misunderstood or misinterpreted the action, it helps me to repair and recover more quickly and give less power and meaning to the incident. If, however, the person really did intend their action, it was personal, it has the likelihood to become an even stronger imprint as my defensive conditioning is triggered.
So just say Ouch! If you couldn't prevent a hit, didn't see it coming, then you minimize damage, learn from it, and begin to heal. Remember to stop adding to the pain by beating yourself up because it happened. Ask yourself what was really threatened, what was really damaged and what it really means to you. The meaning you attach to the blow is what adds to or diminishes its impact. The meaning you give it is what makes you a victim rather than an survivor. The meaning you give it can be an opportunity for growth or cause for despair. You didn't choose to get hit, but you can choose to move on.