Pattern Disruption – Harnessing the Power of Pausing and Choosing

Dear Readers:

In the last post, we discussed pattern development. Now we are going to explore pattern disruption. The choice to follow the pattern you know, or to break it resides in the pause between the stimulus that triggers the desire to overeat, and your response.

It feels compulsive, so how can unhealthy eating ever be a choice?

Let’s use the example of touching a hot object on the stove.

In some circumstances, where we can see that removing our hand would cause a worse consequence (such as spilling boiling water all over ourselves), we can override our instinctive reaction to remove our hand. We can break the pattern because we are able to make a conscious choice.

In other situations, the heat stimulus feels so great and startling that we simply remove ourselves from the source as quickly as possible, not even considering other possibilities. We react automatically. We go with our conditioning, and sometimes this works out, and sometimes doesn't. If we are conditioned to go on a brisk walk when we are upset, it can often help, but if our conditioning says to eat a gallon of ice cream...well that gets rid of the immediate feeling but has some unpleasant long-term consequences!

Occasionally, the heat stimulus could come as a surprise. When we are very shocked, we can become immobile for a moment. Then, once we regroup from our confusion, we burst into action, usually the conditioned response. An everyday example of this temporary paralysis is to overeat after we have experienced feeling indecisive and uncertain in a new situation.

What state of mind makes the difference in which response is picked? What makes us able to override our instinctual response versus fleeing thoughtlessly from the stimulus, or becoming frozen in shock? What makes us choose consciously?

Belief does. Belief in the possibility of choice. Our belief in options leads us to making a conscious choice. Our belief we have no viable options leads us to feeling trapped in the experience, helpless to change it. When we operate on the belief there is only one option, no options, or no viable options, then whatever our default mode is becomes our reaction. Awareness of options opens us up to new actions.

Belief in some level, however small, of choice or option, no matter what the circumstances are, creates a feeling of internal power that calms the initial panic/auto pilot reaction to undesirable stimuli. Disbelief in choice creates a feeling of either denial (i.e. this can’t be happening because I don’t want it to) or powerlessness and resignation to the undesirable stimuli.

Here is the mindset, which you can train yourself to use, that will allow you to exercise your choice, rather than following your compulsion: **

You must believe that in every situation, no matter how dire, there is some level of choice. Even when you feel there are no choices you like or want to choose, you still can choose your attitude about being in a situation that is not in your control.

EXERCISE YOUR POWER TO CHALLENGE YOUR CONDITIONING.

Exercising choice of attitude challenges our conditioning. Try having awareness of choice in attitude when you are experiencing an everyday frustration where you feel trapped, for example a traffic jam. There is so much you can't do to change it...but what can you do to change you?

There is one rule here: don’t try to control how you feel. Feelings are natural - they ebb, flow and change. The only thing you need to do in these exercises is acknowledge your feelings. These exercises are focused on learning to take charge of your choices, not judging yourself for having feelings.

EXERCISE YOUR POWER TO PAUSE.

When you become triggered into overeating, extend the pause before you respond. Take at least a minute, attention turned inward, and observe what the impulse is about without judgment. Looked at compassionately, you will watch it change. Just acknowledge what's happening. No denial, no indulgence. You don’t have to feed it. You don’t have to starve it. Pause and reflect. It may feel urgent, but given some time, the urgency will diminish. It may be a comforting habit, but given some time, the need for a particular eating routine will lessen.

EXERCISE YOUR POWER TO CHOOSE.

Search outside your comfort zone for choices that will help you, even if you don’t “feel” like doing them. New habits take repetition to instill, so be patient as you unlearn and relearn new, healthier response patterns. Make a list of choices ahead of time, when you aren’t feeling so overwhelmed. Carry the list around, review it, add to it, refine it. Carry the list around, add to it, and review it. Practice choosing something different than what you always do when you feel bad. Because it is not yet a habit, it may initially cause restlessness, agitation, or discomfort. If so, again practice the pause to help you stay longer each successive time in the new activity. Practice choosing something different.

If you have trouble seeing your choices, I suggest you read Victor Frankl’s classic book, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” It is an inspiring story of how someone in a concentration camp faced with horrific imprisonment found small ways every day to choose how to live in a situation of apparent powerlessness and despair.

Notice your pattern, acknowledge your triggers, create a pause before doing, and exercise your power of choice.

You have far more power to live a fulfilling life than you realize or have ever used. It does, however, take practice!

These three simple exercises are amazingly powerful if practiced regularly. Let me know what you think and how it works for you. Post here or to my email: cindahocking@yahoo.com.

--Cinda

Next Post: Choice and Consequences - Creating Your Internal Locus of Control

**Depression ranges on a spectrum from simple to complex, from mild to severe. These exercises are most effective when you are feeling mild to moderate, more simple depressive situations, but they are also good tools that can be integrated with other treatments.

THERE'S A PATTERN HERE

Dear Readers:

In order to begin to get a handle on the relationship between eating and depression, you must first look at the concept of patterns. Patterns permeate our experience. Rituals, musical rhythms and seasonal changes are familiar patterns which give us a sense of belonging and predictability. Patterns can be a source of comfort when they create a feeling of order, influence, control, or mastery in an area of our lives. We feel more competent, confident, and safe when we focus on that which repeats and is repeatable. I think of a pattern as a blueprint or an outline, there are individual characteristics adding variety, but the same general pattern exists in the ways that living things are structured, the matter they are composed of, and how they function.

Patterns Create a Feeling of Safety Because They Provide Predictability

We make choices continuously about what to do or say in the interval between receiving a stimulus and providing a response. Behavior patterns develop initially through trial and error, as we learn that a particular response is successful in creating a desired outcome or avoiding an undesired outcome. A mostly successful response will be repeated and is easily chosen when seemingly similar situations arise. Some patterns can serve us well in circumstances requiring survival or quick reactive physical skills. However, there are many times when a particular response is no longer useful, appropriate, or even a good choice... yet we still tend to hang on to it.

Learned reactions can take on a rigidity after repetition that makes it more and more difficult to choose something different. These patterns then become our default mode or autopilot when we are overwhelmed or flooded with emotion. This is seen most often when the trigger for a particular stimulus is especially sensitive. Then we become stuck and enmeshed in our learned groove. We are especially prone to fall back on our learned patterns in times of crisis, when we are feeling unworthy or inadequate, or have deep uncertainty about our choices.

Eating - A Necessary Pattern for Survival

Eating is necessary for life and is a basic primal need. It is a deeply ingrained pattern. It starts in infancy when our need for sustenance is consistently met, inconsistently met, or usually not met. Nourishment develops as a both source of feeling comforted, safe and loved, and also as a battlefield where control and influence are exerted. Punishment and reward can be doled out in the form of food and food becomes a powerful weapon in control. Food is one of our first experiences of something “external” that we need in order to be okay, to feel better... to experience pleasure. We equate food with feelings of abundance and relaxation, or scarcity and anxiety.

Our relationship with food is linked with feelings of safety, control, and mastery. In healthy and unhealthy ways, we use food to create feelings of fulfillment, abundance, and to avert our sense of scarcity. When we do not feel safe, when we are bombarded from without and within with messages of our inadequacy or unworthiness, we seek that which will help us feel better and be more in charge of our lives. We look to increase the frequency, intensity and duration of whatever appears to help us feel safe, influential, adequate and worthy.

Depression - A Pattern of Feeling Overwhelmed, Inadequate and Unworthy

Depression is characterized by an accumulation of feelings of scarcity, lack of meaning, and loss of control or influence. When we eat to relieve, cover, or gain a sense of control, we can see that we are seeking a way to treat our depression. This creates a call and response pattern that is especially hard to break because eating is not optional. However, how and what we eat is changeable, as is how and what we do to manage our symptoms of depression. We will explore the more promising and proactive options in the next posts.

NEXT POST – Breaking the Eating/Depression Pattern

--Cinda